Cold

2026-01-20

It felt like negative twenty outside today. +++

It feels wrong though, that the sun can shine so brightly without imparting so much as a lick of heat to warm my body. The first steps outside seem to immediate flash freeze my muscles and bones, and zap the joy out of my brain.
Kinda a shame honestly, it looks so beautiful outside.

I often think about people who do mood trackers, coloring a box for every day of the year to track how their day went.
Would I enjoy doing something like that? Probably not, but I always wonder what my mental was at this time last year.
Seasonal depression seems to come in a different flavor every year, sometimes it's as though I'm stuck in a cutscene, waiting for spring to arrive.
Sometimes stress builds, only to overflow in a single instant, other years it's simmered but never was able to be released.

Ironically, I do think seasonal depression forces me to live healthier. Sun sets earlier, Friends hang out less, so you end up having to find other things to fill your time.
In recent years that's been excercise. I've always noticed a renewed excitement and progression in my climbing during the winter months.
Adrenaline is an addicting drug in that sense, a concoction of endorphines that cures the fatigue once the cold/darkness sets in.

So... I don't know, so far I akin this winter to treading water. It has required a certain constant mental stamina to maintain good mental health.
The tricky part is to not become complacent, succumbing to fatigue is a downward spiral that is hard to break. Maintain good routine, keep excercising, have genuine conversations with others. This is my trinity for now.